Trials: Road to War
by daftkitykat
Summary: Between ME2 and ME3 there were trials, plural, put upon Shepard. This is that story. This includes my long running character Wren Shepard. Paragon/Colonist/War Hero. Implied Shenko. Everyone survived ME2. Has some spoilers for Arrival. Possibly more chapters if I get a good response. PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1: Trial

They said it wasn't a trial but they had said a lot of things since she had turned herself and the Normandy over to the Alliance. Shepard buried her head in her hands as she sat on the small toilet, hiding. The women's restroom was one of the only places that were safe from all the questions. The tribunal was supposed to be secure but that only meant that the press had to wait outside in the hall. Everyday she had to do the walk of shame between the double sliding doors of the council hall to her newly appointed quarters in Alliance HQ. During the day this toilet was the only place where she could get a bit of privacy.

"Ma'am," A distinctly male voice said through the cracked door to the hall, "The tribunal is about to be back in session. They'll want you back in there."

_Well at least a little privacy_, she thought coldly as she washed her hands and exited. The Lieutenant's muscular frame blocked her from seeing the path cleared as they passed through a sea of reporters. Everyone asked questions and flashed the lights of their floating camera mechs at her. She supposed they each hoped for that one day when one of them would ask a question that would push her to answer them but she wouldn't give them the satisfaction. It was the first thing Anderson had told her when she arrived, "Don't talk to the press. They're just looking for a chance to burn you." It was easy advice to follow as long as she didn't listen to the questions. Early on they had begun with easy friendly questions about her health more recently they had evolved into nasty accusations.

Just as a she passed through the doors Shepard managed to catch one of the questions and she almost stopped. "Shepard, what would you say to your former Alliance crew members who call you a traitor?"

She mentally flinched at the question but made her way to the podium in the middle of the room. It lit to her touch and various Admirals' faces suddenly appeared on screens around her beginning the performance again. The questions were not always the same but they were alike enough to frustrate her. They questioned her on Cerberus, on Aratoht, on everything she could have possibly done wrong. It was painful to hear the recounting of her failures and then be questioned about it again and again. The whole time she could still hear the echo's of Kaidan's voice calling her a traitor accusing her of betraying everything they believed in, everything they hoped for and the sad thing was she couldn't think of a single defense she had for her actions. It had hit her the moment her boots left Horizon's soil; she was the worst type of traitor. She was the traitor who believed herself true to the spirit of the law, the vigilanty. It was all she could think of and by the end of the day she was sick hearted. She walked the long walk to her quarters head held straight careful to continue the appearance of confidence but as soon as she passed through the doors she fell apart. Face down on her alliance issue cot she cried silently at first, racking sobs shook her body violently until sleep took her.

She awoke at chow time picking at her green beans as she watched the sun set over the bay through tented window glass. She wondered where he was for only a moment but chastised herself for it. How many times had he told her about that bay, that view? She couldn't say. He especially liked to do it when they were alone, in the quiet of the night. She placed her tray on the floor in front of the door and knocked taking her place well away from the door with her hands on the wall.

The door flashed open revealing James who looked at her and then away to quickly grab up her dirty dishes. "You don't have to take that stance you know. I trust you, Commander."

She looked away from him towards the large glass windows and said, "Haven't you heard James? I'm a traitor to the Alliance. I don't deserve your trust."

"I don't believe them."

A chuckle escaped her lips and she turned to face him, "But it's true James. Everything I said about what happened is true and it's true that I was a traitor. I worked with Cerberus. I destroyed a Batarian system killing billions of people. I deserve death. I've EARNED my dishonor." With her last statements she hung her head hiding tears from the young lieutenant.

"Commander, whatever happened, whatever you did, I know it was the best course of action. Even if you don't have faith in yourself, Commander, I have faith in your judgment."

As the door began to close behind James Shepard said under her breath, "I'm glad someone does."

It had been two months since she had arrived and the tribunal was still going strong. Shepard sat with her back against the tiled wall letting the shower rain down on her. Anderson had met with her the day before bringing her news from the preparations Admiral Hackett was trying to push through, preparations for the Reapers. He wasn't free to give a lot of details but from what she was hearing they weren't doing half as much as they should, maybe not even a third.

Outside the women's lavatory James stood with his back to the door as it slid apart.

"Better watch yourself, Lieutenant. I could have killed you, back to me like that."

"You could have killed me 20 times a day then, Commander. I think I'll trust you a little longer."

Alliance headquarters were never empty but on the weekends staff was considerably thinned out. Non essential personnel tended to take their leave on the weekends and the numbers of office workers were considerably cut down. It was very enjoyable for Shepard because for two days out of the week she didn't have to stand at a podium and explain herself. _Instead I have to try to explain myself to a tougher audience_, she darkly thought, inwardly chastising herself for her own mistakes had become a sort of hobby for Shepard. She was so busy doing so that she barely heard James ahead of her when he spoke up.

"So… I've been given permission to let you have free time outside today. Kind of like a field trip except no sack lunch and if the other kids tease you you're on your own."

Shepard's eyes narrowed as she thought over the possibilities. "So they're going to give me permission to run on the track or something, James?"

The muscular lieutenant glanced back at her with a peevish grin, "I'm allowed to take you anywhere you want to go in Vancouver, Ma'am, anywhere within reason that is."

Hope sprung in Shepard's heart for a moment as she thought of Kaidan and all the sights he had said he would show her, like private monuments of his heart that he recited to her over and over again but, she thought, _without him what good would it be? Trying to re-live a lost love alone is foolish_. "I… I think I'll just take a walk around a nice park, maybe. One near the bay if you can manage it."

James's face softened a bit before he looked away, "I think we can manage it, Commander."

The bench she sat on looked out on the bay. It was a beautiful sunset, better than she ever remembered on Mindoir. It was even more beautiful than the ones on Elysium had been. That was what was so painful. He was right. After all these years Kaidan Alenko's opinion of the sunset over English Bay was spot on. Just like his opinion of her. Pushing off from the bench Shepard waved as she approached the lieutenant who had perched himself within sight but not so close to be encroaching on her personal time.

"I think I'm done with this park for now, James," she said when she arrived next to him.

"You sure, Commander? I'm not sure how many times they'll clear out an entire park for you just so you can get some sun."

Looking out upon the bay Shepard smiled for the first time in a long time, "Yeah, James, I think I'm ready to head back. I didn't turn myself in so the Alliance could stop children from playing red rover."

James shared her smile, "Yeah I guess you didn't."

The transport back to headquarters was nearly silent and that night was peaceful. She was up late like most Saturday nights, reading galactic news on her special one way Alliance extranet terminal. There were more accounts of dead victims from the explosion on Aratoht. The numbers were staggering for Shepard. Following the links she found a picture of herself that made her stop. The caption read: Commander Wren Shepard still undergoing sentencing expected to receive life imprisonment despite cries for Batarian extradition. The picture they had used was an old one from her file, just after the attack of Elysium. Her scars streaked her face giving her what she had considered a hard look but now that she saw herself in the mirror it wasn't the same kind of hard she had then. Then it was a tough look of determination instead of the look of hard fatigue her face now wore, like the face worn by very old soldiers. A bloop from the interface startled Shepard awake and she saw a chat box had been the cause.

It said, "Shep, stop looking at depressing stories."

Shepard was quick to answer back, "Kasumi?"

"Glad to see confinement hasn't dulled your detective skills."

"What are you doing, Kasumi? I'm not supposed to have contact with anyone, period. Nothing in or out till after the tribunal."

"I would have thought you'd know I would find a way around that. I routed your signal through one of the terminals in an admiral's office; he's off playing golf on some Asari world. The Alliance's cyber defense system could really use an overhaul."

"I'll be sure to mention it to them when I get the chance, Kasumi. For right now, however, I'd like to know what was so important that you had to hack into Alliance security to contact me."

There was a small pause before Kasumi answered, "I… We've all been watching the trial pretty closely, Shep. We meaning me, Chakwas, Miranda, Jacob, Tali, Mordin, Garrus, Thane, and Bert, you remember him? Well anyway we're worried about you... collectively, not Bert I guess. He thinks you look the same. The team and I, though, think you've started to look well a bit down trodden. I just want to tell you that we all believe in you and you should too. We're all behind you."

Shepard read and re-read the message in her head for a few moments. She couldn't remember Bert but knowing that at least some of the team were on her side, having reassurance of it, helped her fell a bit more… like herself. "Who's Bert?"

"Really Shepard, you are so dense. If it's not battle plans or tactical odds it might as well be top ramen. Bert is that Cerberus guard who was always eyeing me. He's left Cerberus now, settled down on Omega with some Asari."

"You're spying on a former Cerberus operative to see what he thinks of the trail?"

"No, that'd be pointless. I just put a few feelers out to make sure he wasn't still hung up on me and just happen to read his diary."

"Have you ever read my diary, Kasumi?"

"Not important. What I wanted to say is I read in one of the admiral's files that they are going to sentence you Monday so brace yourself. He didn't say in the file what they had decided and none of the others even mentioned. DON'T WORRY! I'm sure everything will be ok and if not I can always find a way to drop power and get you out. Got to go now, security sweep wipes the system every twenty minuets. Stay strong."

In just seconds the message log disappeared and she was back staring at her former self, no longer considering how strained she looked now. Instead she blacked out the screen and buried herself in her Alliance issue blankets. What she needed now was a good bit of sleep and some positive thoughts. _Thanks, Kasumi._


	2. Chapter 2: Walls

It was midnight Shepard was sure of that even without looking for the time. Midnight meant seven more hours until she was sentenced. Only seven more hours until she could get rid of this knot in her stomach. Sunday had passed slowly with absolutely no word from anyone. James had brought her food, she had watched as the little boy played in the tiny private yard out her window. She had worn herself out exercising but for now she stared at the blank metal wall paneling and imagined what would happen in seven hours, how it would all play out, the hope Kasumi had given her was now gone. As far as Shepard could see her case was a simple, clear cut. She had destroyed a mass relay, destroyed a whole planetary system, and maybe even incited a war. She was fucked. Tears streamed down her face. _I'm fucked. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…_

She began banging her head against the metal cot in time with her own internal beat but then the sound of the door startled her away from her self deprecation.

"Commander?"

She wiped her face quickly then lifted herself up in bed looking over at the large Leutenent who was now sticking his head in through the door. "James?"

"Would you like a bit of company, Commander? I… well it's a bit boring out here at night," he grimaced a bit as he admitted it.

Shepard smiled, "I guess you can come in. I can't sleep." She stood up walking behind her desk.

"I guessed that from the metal pounding sound I heard coming from in here."

"Ah…" Just then she noticed that he was carrying something awkwardly behind his back. Smiling at him she asked, "What do you have there, James? Sneaking me in some booze? Because that would be great."

He laughed nervously then pulled the plate from behind his back. A single piece of chocolate cake with a candle in it pulled Shepard away from the moment. She could not hear his awkward explanation instead all she could feel was dread as she realized she had forgotten her own birthday. She had forgotten Mindoir. She had forgotten everything that mattered.

"… Anderson said something about this bad brand of whisky but I knew I should get you something better." James was saying when she finally focused on his voice.

"I don't know what to say James. I don't really celebrate my birthday. Thank you for your trouble but I couldn't accept it."

"Come on, Commander, this didn't come out of the commissary. This is real honest to goodness chocolate rum cake _I made_." He said shoving the plate at her so close she could feel the flame on the tiny candle. "It won't kill you to sit down and enjoy a midnight snack and have someone to talk to. It might even turn out good for you."

"No, but it might get you courts marshaled for fraternizing with a prisoner. Get to your post Lieutenant Vega and leave me alone!" Shepard was sure she had used the same tone she reserved for Joker when he was particularly aggravating that sent the rest of the crew flying but James didn't turn. Instead he placed the cake on her desk and sat down stubbornly crossing his arms.

"The Admiral mentioned that you would want to be alone to brood. He said this was your worst time of year but he also said that I shouldn't let you be alone. It's not good for you, he said."

"Then Anderson can go to hell! I don't need anyone to baby sit me. I'm not a danger to myself or others."

"I'm not a baby sitter. Just think of me as an Alliance Marine looking to have a good time."

Shepard's anger cracked at that moment. James's face flushed red as he realized what he had said.

"Commander, I in no way wanted to insinuate that you would in any way…" he said trying hard to back peddle but it was too late. Shepard was bent over laughing at the Lieutenant's own blinding mistake. "I… I… I…" but there was nothing he could say to recover from his misstep. Soon he began laughing as well. It was a few moments before they both calmed down enough to speak coherently. Shepard looked at James for a moment and sat down at her desk chair.

"I suppose I could take a bite of the cake. Though if you made it James it could be suspect."

"I'll have you know this is my Abuela's recipe."

Shepard looked down at the piece of cake eyeing it suspiciously. Taking the fork in hand she portioned off a heaping bit and shoveled it into her mouth. At first the flavor was just a loud burst of chocolate but then the flavors of other spices and rum made their appearance. The cake was sweet and strong, strong enough that she knew it must have soaked for hours in that golden liquor.

"Lieutenant, this is very good cake."

"Thank you, Commander," the bulky man said inclining his head with a smile Shepard had never seen before. They sat in silence while she finished the piece finally sliding the plate in front of him when she was sure she could not scour it and gain any more of the confection.

"Anderson was right, you know. I tend to get very drunk and curl into a whiskey induced comma," she said admitting to the previous allegations.

"Think that's what they would have wanted?"

"What?"

"Whoever you lost… Think they'd want you to mourn forever?"

Shepard looked out the window at the brightly lit city and shook her head. "That's what Anderson always says. He says that I'm mourning me, survivor's guilt. And I always tell him that I'm fine. And that plenty of people drink on their birthday, get drunk even."

"Yeah they do…" He paused as if waiting for her to say something else and Shepard couldn't help but ask the obvious question.

"Did he tell you about-"

"No, he wouldn't give details. Told me you'd be pissed."

"Good, good, I'd hate to have to slug the guy who made that fabulous cake."

Vega's smirk was palpable in his answer, "I'd hate to have to block that hit, Commander."

"Oh yeah, _Lieutenant_? You think you can take me?"

"I didn't say that, _Commander_, just think I can dance with the best of them. But you look sturdy; you might get in a few hits."

"Well as I need to look presentable in a few hours I can't take you up on that offer but I'll give you a rain check."

"I may take you up on that someday, Commander" he said in a manner that should have been playful but his face was distant, almost sad.

"This was… great. Best birthday I've had in a while. Probably the only sober one I've had in years. Thanks," she said inquiring after him with her eyes and tone but knowing that all marines have secret parts of themselves they must hide away from the world.

He grabbed the plate and stood up, "I'm glad, time to get back to normal Marine life."

The door slid shut behind the muscular Lieutenant and Shepard made her way back to the bed that only thirty minuets before was foreboding. Under the blankets she looked up at the ceiling and watched as the lights of the city slowly turned into the light from the sunrise. She could not sleep but that thought did not bother her. Instead her mind was occupied on what she would say at sentencing. She did not rise from her stupor until James opened the door to take her to the showers. _Only two more hours_, she thought, _two more hours until I know._


	3. Chapter 3: Sentencing

Shepard stood outside the tribunal for a moment staring at the doors. The reporters crowded around her shouting and leaping sensing the break in consistency in her routine. She didn't hear them. She couldn't hear anything over the pounding of her own heart. Her breath caught in her chest. Behind her she felt a light push from an unfamiliar hand but she knew it was Vega; _he's always at my back._ The inch forward she moved was enough to open the door. That was the cue for her to step through.

As she stepped to the console Shepard looked to see Anderson standing across from her full dress blues, his face the picture of stoicism. _Not a hint of emotion… what is Anderson doing here?_ Then it dawned on her… _He's my last commanding officer… he's got to… Oh, God._

"Commander Wren Shepard, it is my responsibility to immediately serve you with dismissal from the Systems Alliance Military and inform you that you are hereby sentenced to twenty-five counts of life imprisonment for the following offenses: fifteen counts of capital treason, knowingly harboring of multiple intergalactic fugitives, the wanton theft of protected military secrets, the wonton destruction of prothean technology, the destruction of an alien star system, and the inciting of an intergalactic war. This sentence is to be served in Alliance Naval Brig, Fort Bowen effective immediately." The lines on his face were prominent as he stepped closer to Shepard raising his hands to her left shoulder. His fingers pulled each medal off her chest pausing only a moment as his fingers found their way around her N7 pin. One at a time he deposited each on a tray to his left until he made his way to her officer's bars. She was numb as she felt the weight she so proudly carried leave her shoulders. She kept her face stoic but it was impossible to stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks. Shepard heard the door behind her open as the MPs passed through and felt them put the cuffs on her wrists. The biotic restrictor stung as they applied it to the back of her neck causing her to wince but she did not re-act other wise. Anderson stepped back from her and she could see the pain in his eyes as she was led out. In the hallway the press nearly exploded around them but James's bulk cleared a path for the two MPs and Shepard to pass.

Down the stairs and out of the public eye she passed through two sets of double doors to a parking lot she had never seen filled with black sky cars, no identification markings. A sky car was waiting for her to be placed in the back. Numbly she allowed her body to be pushed into the seat and strapped in. It was all so unreal, like a strangely quiet vid, until the door was closed on her and she saw James at the loading area salute her departure. That was when it hit. She was going to spend the rest of her life in prison. She was no longer Commander Shepard of the Alliance Marines, no longer a highly decorated officer with a small but dedicated fan base. She was a prisoner and a traitor to the Alliance.

Even years after Shepard could never describe the ride over the countless bays to the tiny island top tower which served as the Alliance's highest security brig. What she could remember and what would stay with her until her last sunrise was the viciousness with which she was stripped of her dress blues, dog tags, and everything that made her a person. The assault of the overly cold decontamination shower followed by the sheering of her hair, violently and impersonally, would stay with her _forever_. It was as if she was stripped of everything that made her who she was in one swift moment and in that moment she could do nothing but shake and cry as she was thrown into her small cell, naked and alone. All she could think was how much it felt like that night, alone on Mindoir knowing that everyone she loved was dead or captured, knowing this time that no one was coming to save her. That it was instead the Alliance who had condemned her to this position made her cry even harder as she hugged the prison smock provided for her to her chest, curled in a ball on the floor.


	4. Chapter 4: Released

The next morning was startling. Shepard couldn't even remember when she fell asleep or how long she had been out. She didn't even know what had woken her up until she heard it.

"pssstttt… stop crying. You've been crying all damn night."

Shepard searched out the sound but she could not see anyone. "Where are you?"

"Under the bed, look under the bed."

Shepard scrambled to look under and there was the tiniest hole not enough to see through but enough for sound to travel.

"I… I'm sorry I kept you up."

"You didn't keep me up. I just heard you when I fell asleep and heard you when they just called first bell." Shouting came down the hall and Shepard heard scrambling in the other cell. "You'd best be getting ready. Reveille will sound soon and they'll have us on a run."

Shepard scrambled to put on her smock. It was much like her alliance uniform minus the bits of armor and pockets. It was the most unnerving color of white. She went to push her hair behind her ears but there was no hair to push back making her acknowledge just how unbelievable her position was.

"Door front, maggots!" came the call down the hall. Shepard complied, standing at edge of the door at attention.

Her days followed a pattern almost like the recruit training she had done during her early days. Run, showers, breakfast, yard rec, lunch, counseling, dinner, cell time, and lights out. She was running on instinct never questioning orders, ever her eyes down. Conversation was limited to grunts and shouts outside of counseling and rec and physical contact was always met with retribution from the guards or otherwise. It was two weeks before anything changed.

A guard came to her cell that night well after lights out prying her out of bed, bewildered and half dead. The halls were silent as they marched their way to what must have been a private meeting room. There she was sat down and handed a mirror with some cosmetics.

"Someone's here to see you. Make yourself presentable, the Commandant wants to seem generous."

Shepard had never seen that guard before but she numbly nodded her head and picked up the pocket mirror, gazing shockingly at her reflection. It had been so long since she had seen herself she almost didn't recognize the skeleton that looked back at her. Her cheeks had noticeably receded and her hair that she had forgotten she missed was growing back into thick inch long red stubble. Her signature red lipstick was absent so her lips seemed thin and almost masculine and her un-lined eyelids were intensely pale. A week previous she would have cried at this image but now she simply stared and used her free hand to trace the dimensions of her face. She had not touched the cosmetics by the time the guard came in leading the commandant and Admiral Hackett.

"Thank you, Commandant Ruiz. I'm sure I can handle myself from here."

"I will post a guard outside, Admiral."

"No need, I believe Shepard and I have important business to discuss," he said dismissing the two men who seemed to reluctantly abandon the high level Admiral to their prisoner.

Seeing Hackett again, seeing his nonchalant style, Shepard found that she could not help but feel like the dog that was about to be kicked. She pushed away the mirror and lipstick to look at her once commanding officer in the eyes knowing that what he had to discuss was not good news. Instantly she wished she were talking with Anderson, the man who knew her so well and could turn any bad situation into a joke.

"Shepard, I…"

"I'm surprised you are my first visitor, Admiral. I had thought Anderson would have been here by now."

"Anderson had some other… business to take care of but that's not why I'm here, Shepard. I need to apologize for what happened at the tribunal. I need to explain… I just don't know how."

"No you don't need to explain. I know what I was. I know I was a tool to keep your nose clean but I also know what I did. I know Cerberus never changed, they're humanity first and at all costs, and I just let him trick me into following their cause."

It was a solid and poignant admission one the admirals had never asked of her and it left them both stunned that she had said it out loud.

"You weren't thrown under the bus, Shepard. I'm getting you out of here. We only needed you in this facility long enough to get the Batarian's off our asses and they've gone dark. We haven't had a communication from them in a week and neither have any of the other council races."

Shepard closed her fist, digging her fingernails into the flesh of her skin. "The reapers are here and you know they won't stop there, Admiral. You know it's only a matter of time…"

"Yes and we need you to advise us. With some sacrifices made by Anderson and some deal making around here I'm having you brought back to Alliance HQ. I need you on the ground here telling the politicians exactly what we are up against. I need a living reminder of the truth and you're it, Shepard."

"So I'm being re-commissioned?" The question lingered for a moment.

"No, Shepard… I… the board was quite clear despite our appeals. You're being released to serve a support role, non-combat, no outside contact what so ever, and no access to classified data. They think you're still working for Cerberus and right now they can't trust you with that sort of power."

It was blind rage that now fueled Shepard to stand up sending the chair under her flying and picking another up to violently swing across the room, "FUCK THE ADMIRALS! FUCK THE ALLIANCE COUNCIL! FUCK EARTH! FUCK All OF THIS! FUCK ALL OF YOU!"

Hackett was up now trying to restrain her as she picked up another chair to throw it. "Shepard! This isn't my fault and it isn't yours! They'll come around!" Maybe it was the strength of the admiral but more likely it was the actual human contact that made her drop the chair and collapse in his arms, tears hidden behind her hands, sobs buried in his chest.

"It's ok, Shepard," Hackett said over and over in a very hushed voice she had never heard him use. Finally he eased her into a chair releasing her wrists that now lay limp across her lap. "I know it's a lot to ask now, Shepard. You've been through an ordeal… but the Alliance _needs_ you. Hell, the galaxy needs you. You've had the most and best experience with the bastards."

"I don't know if it'll be enough, sir. I mean we could be too late."

"I know you, Shepard. You don't stop. You don't give up and with you we won't either. We can win this war we just need a clear head to give those damn politicians hell."

She looked up at him towering above her and she felt as if she was accepting her first officer's commission. Responsibility and the dread of war filled her heart but within that was a sort of hope, a hope that she could redeem her past actions and prove herself trustworthy again. _Maybe even… Kaidan_. She took Hackett's out stretched hand and stood up beside him.

"I'll do it but I have some conditions."

"They are?"

"I want my old body guard back, a room that looks out on something green, and an open tab at the commissary, day or night."

"Deal."

* * *

**Sorry I've been so long away from the story. This last semester killed me. Please review!**


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